


my star

by daisiechains



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Actors, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Slow Burn, warnings for mentions of abuse and trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-02-16 05:37:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18685204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisiechains/pseuds/daisiechains
Summary: Andrew Minyard and Neil Josten are the picture perfect couple. Having grown close on set of their latest film, they are now Hollywood's favorite power couple. They have good looks, adoring fans, and very successful careers as actors. Attached at the hip in promotions, the two seem to be absolutely head over heels for each other. Their apparent affection has them being declared as "couple goals" across the nation.There's only one problem. They can't stand each other.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> so like...this might become rated m later on because i'm considering extremely vague sexy times but we shall see whether that happens. for now T

Cameras flashed so quickly it felt like Neil Josten was staring into strobe lights. It was undeniably too much for his senses, but he was trained for this. Neil smiled gently, slowly flitting his gaze between different lenses in time with the man at his side. They took a few steps across the plush red carpet before stopping and directing their attention to new reporters and photographers. 

Andrew Minyard tightened his grip on Neil’s waist and pulled him closer at a reporter’s comment that the taller looked impeccably handsome. He didn’t smile at the cameras as Neil did, but he wasn’t required to. Andrew Minyard was known for being incredibly reserved off-camera, and a smile would be out of character for him. At the possessive gesture Neil laughed, making sure to keep his face toward the cameras, and pressed a quick kiss to Andrew’s cheekbone. He lingered long enough to hear the shutter of lenses, and didn’t miss the way Andrew stiffened under his lips. Neither did the reporters, and Neil could already see the headlines that Andrew Minyard was so head over heels for Neil Josten he was getting flustered over small pecks at their own premiere. 

Before the two entered the theater they were stopped by a reporter for an exclusive interview. “We have heard nothing but high praises for the acting in  _ Courting _ , but what we are really interested in is the courting we have going on with the two leads!” Neil forced an amused laugh at the reporter’s awful joke as he took Andrew’s hand from his waist and intertwined their fingers. His hands were clammy, but he was still annoyed to find Andrew’s were sweaty as well. Neil thanked his two decades of acting experience to help him suppress his irritation as he looked at Andrew. He forced a loving smile and looked softly as he could manage. “Yeah it’s official! Andrew and I weren’t sure if we wanted to go public so soon actually, but I wasn’t sure if I could keep my hands off him long enough to keep anything a secret.”

Andrew gave Neil’s hand a short yet bone crushing squeeze. Despite the pain Neil kept the smile plastered on his face, not wanting to allude to anything being wrong. Had he gone too far? Neil didn’t feel like he said anything too inappropriate, but he took a second to compose himself so that he didn’t do the same for her next question. 

She laughed at his answer before continuing. “I have heard nonstop about the emotional performance from you, Andrew! There are even talks about an Academy Award nomination.” Andrew did not answer her, yet Neil felt his pulse quicken against his palm. After a beat without response she turned her attention back to Neil. “Andrew’s performance and his behavior sure differ! Was that gap what drew you to him?”

Andrew seemed as aloof as he had not a minute ago, but Neil could just  _ feel _ Andrew’s temper flaring. So many things seemed to not fit Andrew’s taste, and Neil wondered how he lived an entire lifetime this disconnected yet annoyed. Neil shook his head at the reporter. “I wouldn’t say a gap...But you know, seeing Andrew work his hardest, watching him give the most amazing performance I’ve ever seen every time the camera rolls, I couldn’t help but fall a bit every time.” He directed his smile away from the reporter and back to Andrew, and Andrew took it as permission to exit the conversation. He nodded to the reporter and gave her a curt, “Thank you very much,” before tugging Neil toward the door. 

They walked hand in hand through the large theater doors, the marquee brightly exclaiming, “COURTING. STARRING NEIL JOSTEN AND ANDREW MINYARD.” Neil’s heart swelled just looking at it. His character wasn’t the main focal point of the plot, but this was still  _ his movie _ . He was top billed, necessary for all promotions. He was worth something as an actor, and finally after all these years he had proof of it. Growing up in the entertainment industry, enduring abuse from directors and agents and his own parents, never having an ounce of privacy since he was a toddler suddenly felt worth it. Neil was lead in a film being lauded as potentially groundbreaking for its portrayal of struggling with one’s sexuality in the hypermasculine setting of professional sports. It was already generating Oscar buzz and very few had even seen it yet. Neil himself hadn’t even seen it before tonight. 

He tried to contain his excitement, but Andrew already had that covered. He leaned in a little closer to Neil as they were lead to their seats by the usher. It appeared to be an intimate moment between two costars-turned lovers, and if anyone had been nearby their jaw would drop at the vitriol that left Andrew’s mouth. “‘I couldn’t help but fall!’ You are absolutely disgusting. Can anything but lies leave your mouth?” 

Neil tried to not look as angry as he felt as he sat in his seat and smiled at their director. When he spoke it was through clenched teeth. “Would it kill  _ you _ to lie a bit? I’m carrying this entire thing myself here.”

Andrew detangled his hand from Neil’s and made a discreet show of wiping Neil’s sweat off on the leg of his suit. “Then keep carrying it. I did not agree to this to be your trophy boyfriend.”

Neil was about to respond before he was pulled from his seat. He was about to push away on reflex before he saw who it was and his anger dissipated. Matt Boyd, a fantastic actor who also happened to be one of their costars and Neil’s closest friend, had found Neil and pulled him into a loving hug. Neil thanked him enthusiastically for all his hard work during filming before greeting Matt’s fiancée. Danielle Wilds was a professional Exy player and served as captain for her team in LA. Neil loved her with all his heart. Neil congratulated her on her team’s most recent win, and she exchanged similar pleasantries for the film before pulling him into a hug that rivaled Matt’s in power.

Neither of the two knew about the arrangement Neil’s and Andrew’s agents had worked out, and it pained Neil to lie to the closest semblance of proper family he ever really had. 

Matt took his seat beside Neil and Neil leaned back toward Andrew, who had stayed seated and silent through the entire exchange. “You still agreed. So try harder or you can kiss your beloved Oscar nomination goodbye.”

Andrew directed his bored stare toward Neil, looking at him properly for the first time since they left the limousine. Neil was always surprised at how shockingly good he was at seeing past Andrew’s emotionless facade. In the hazel of Andrew’s eyes all Neil could see was anger. “And you can kiss my fucking ass, Josten.” 

The lights began to dim, and Neil settled into his seat. He leaned a little toward Andrew to assure Matt couldn’t hear. “Don’t you know?” Neil smiled humorlessly in Andrew’s direction. “I can’t keep my hands off of you, so it seems that I already have.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew puts up walls and Neil promptly begins to tear them down because he has always been destructive at heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the comments! They were so nice to log into :')))))

Neil spent the entire movie stiffly shifting his gaze between the film and his alleged boyfriend. The movie was objectively incredible, yet Neil still scanned every scene for any sign of flaw in his acting. His expressions, his delivery, and his body language were all subject to the sharp scrutiny he inherited from his mother. 

When Andrew appeared on the screen Neil watched him grow tense. Over the past few months Neil had begun to notice that Andrew absolutely hated seeing himself on screen. There were many things about Andrew Joseph Minyard that were absolutely  _ awful _ , but his acting ability was not one of them. While he was cold and calm in real life, Andrew on-screen was heart-wrenchingly emotional. Neil could hear sniffles during the climax in Andrew’s plot, where he broke down into sobs alone on the Exy court because he felt so lost. Had Neil been more emotional and less acquainted with the entertainment industry (or Andrew’s bad personality) perhaps he would have been touched as well.

Throughout all of it Andrew kept the same bored stare, but there was telling tenseness in his posture. Neil did not, and never would, question it to Andrew’s face. He did not really care enough about Andrew for it to matter to him, and he refused to incur the wrath that would come from Andrew trying to deny any feeling. 

From the moment they met Andrew refused to emote, and the only flash of realness beneath it all was in the irritation he directed at Neil. From the second week on set the two couldn’t stand each other. Andrew had taken upon himself that Neil was some sort of shady character and immediately broke into Neil’s things. Of course, he found nothing. Neil had long destroyed all the evidence of what his parents had done, anyway. There was nothing for Andrew to find, certainly not anything that would have been lying around on set. Still, the breach of privacy made Neil livid, and they took to being as aggressively vicious with each other as they could. 

Neil could admit that many of their arguments were at fault of himself, but Andrew was such an asshole that he didn’t care. Whenever Matt was on set he was a good distraction, and Neil liked Kevin enough, but Kevin was always around Andrew. And, well, being around Andrew was something Neil hated. Sure, Andrew was handsome with broad shoulders and high, round cheekbones and hazel eyes so intense Neil had thought he’d might melt when they first met. Back before Andrew opened his stupid mouth. Not like his mouth hadn't also been incredibly distracting...

Neil’s attention snapped back to the movie with a loud crash as he watched himself throw Andrew into their character’s lockers. He remembered shooting this scene, how he had gotten a little overzealous to the point he earned a genuine threat from Andrew, and how that only made him want to shove Andrew a little harder. Movie-Neil snarled something angrily at movie-Andrew, who threw back words just as venomous. The two were only arguing because emotions were building with the plot, but Neil thought with amusement that it was fairly similar to how he felt about their relationship currently. As he watched himself on the screen Neil settled back into self analysis, finding himself a little angry and a lot embarrassed that he had been thinking about Andrew in such a way. The embarrassment was only exacerbated as Andrew’s character pulled his in for a heated kiss.  

Neil hated watching himself kiss on screen, but it seemed to be even worse for Andrew. He was stone-cold as per usual, but he slid down a little in his seat and rested his head in one hand. The other occupied itself pulling at the seams of his suit jacket sleeve. Neil wrinkled his nose in disgust. The suit was incredibly expensive, and he was just going to destroy it? They had a party to get to after the premiere, and Neil groaned internally hoping that someone on Andrew’s staff had thought to procure him a backup jacket. Andrew was not notorious for being incredibly difficult in the work space, but as a human being he seemed to be downright dreadful. Neil only hoped that Andrew’s staff was getting paid well enough to deal with him.

Andrew noticed Neil had been looking at him and flipped him off discreetly before shoving the hand with the damaged sleeve into his pocket. Neil rolled his eyes and tried to ignore Andrew. 

The remainder of the film passed without issue. When it ended the theater erupted with applause and then promptly emptied itself. People poured out of the theater as they rushed to attend other events. Neil envied the people who could just go home after. He had a party to attend with many of the cast and crew, but Andrew was required there as well. Andrew’s attendance was assured and yet Neil could tell by the way he stood, bored and aloof, that Andrew would be especially difficult for the rest of the night. Neil wondered if seeing himself on screen broken and emotional for the world to see had shaken Andrew, but knew better than to cross the line of mentioning it. Andrew kept his emotions locked tight for a reason, and Neil wasn’t looking to poke and prod until he ended up skewered.

Neil had already lost Matt in the crowds, so he strode forward to Andrew and brought his mangled sleeve up to inspect. “You know we have somewhere to be after this...What will people say?” Neil frowned as he took Andrew’s wrist into one hand and examined the sleeve with the other.

Andrew tore his arm away from Neil, cradling his wrist in his hand as if Neil had broken it. Neil froze immediately, his hands still in midair. He was about to respond with annoyance when Andrew spoke. 

“Do not touch me,” he said. There wasn’t the usual venom in his voice, probably from shock, but Neil could still hear the threat. 

He straightened himself. “Noted. No touching my boyfriend.” There was a twinge of sarcasm in his wording, but Neil understood. He himself had enough privacy and personal space issues. He knew better than to disrespect someone else’s. No matter how much an asshole Andrew was Neil would never cross those boundaries. 

Andrew stared at Neil. He had the same dark, bored gaze as usual, but Neil could have sworn he relaxed a little. Neil nodded to the door. “I promise. I mean it. Let’s get going so we can do something about that jacket.” 

Andrew let his hands fall to his sides. His head cocked to the side as he examined Neil for a moment, then walked past him and out of the theater. “I have a it handled.”

In the lobby their staff immediately surrounded them. Makeup retouches, hair adjustments, and a wardrobe fix for Andrew were all done in less than five minutes before the two were herded into a limousine. After a few moments in silence Neil turned to Andrew, who was tapping away on his phone. In the reflection of the window behind Andrew Neil could see that he was typing key smashes into the notes app. Just to look busy and ignore Neil. What a bastard. Neil took a breath to calm himself before speaking. “Andrew.”

Andrew did not answer. 

Neil moved closer. “Andrew.”

Andrew continued a new line, alternating between two vowels. 

“Andrew,” Neil repeated.

Andrew’s hands stopped typing, but he did not raise his gaze from the screen. “Oh yes, your royal boyfriendness?”

Neil sighed, trying not to regret accepting the preposterous offer of staying in a relationship with this man for months. “The no-touching thing. People are gonna notice if I suddenly stop touching you. Is anywhere not a red flag?”

Andrew was silent, working out the way Neil worded it. He spoke slowly, as if he was still considering his own words as they left his mouth. “Most places are. My hands are okay, but do not restrict me. No wrists. No lips, but if you ask first face may be.”

Neil released his tension, grateful that Andrew was willing to work with him on this. “Got it. May be as in…?”

Andrew’s gaze flickered to Neil’s, and for the first time since they met Neil couldn’t see his thoughts so clearly. It startled Neil. “Depending on the day. Wait for a yes.”

Neil nodded and added, “Okay. I will.” Andrew was completely still for a moment, something confusing brewing beneath his eyes, before he went back to his typing. Neil stared at Andrew’s face for a few moments, very confused and perhaps a tad hopeful. He leaned back in his seat, letting a “thank you,” slip past his lips. 

Andrew didn’t answer. 

Neil and Andrew were late. Kevin didn’t seem surprised, but whether it was because he was well acquainted with Andrew and his behavior or due to the implications of their supposed relationship Neil didn’t know. Nicky, on the other hand, was absolutely insufferable as usual about their relationship. He could only be shut up by an all-too-enthusiastic threat from Andrew. 

When Nicky had first learned of Neil and Andrew’s relationship he had written it off as hatesex (and, well, he certainly got the hating part correct), but as the weeks went on by he just became happy that his cousin had finally found a relationship.  Cue the enthusiasm, the support, and the far too inappropriate comments about the two. Neil was uncomfortable, but his reactions always paled in comparison to Andrew and his calm yet terrifying responses.

Nicky was not the only one surprised by the announcement. Matt and Dan went so far as to as to ask Neil multiple times if he was alright or needed any help. Their care made Neil’s heart ache, and lying to them of all people hurt him even more, but he couldn’t risk letting the secret get out in any way. The only ones who knew were Andrew, Neil, and their agents. Since the day they had begrudgingly settled their deal the secret had not left that room, and hopefully would never.

The first time Andrew and Neil’s agents had proposed the idea Andrew immediately left the room, leaving only the slam of a door and a half-burnt cigarette still lit. Neil sat there awkwardly as Andrew’s agent ran to retrieve him. Of course he was against the idea as well, but their reasoning was sound. Andrew was growing in popularity, and Neil had been a beloved face in Hollywood since he was four. The movie was set to do well, but the interest in onscreen lovers bringing their affection into real life was undeniable. And, well, after all Neil had been through the past few years, the hurt and the trauma and the new fear of taking off his shirt. His success was still going strong, but mentally he had taken a tremendous hit. He really needed a win with this movie, a true success that was  _ his _ to hold onto.

The next time they were cornered together Neil, reluctantly, said yes.

It took weeks and a lot of complaining for Andrew to concede, but suddenly one day his agent had announced he had said yes. Neil didn’t know what he was given in exchange, but the day after he gave his grudging consent they were being prepared for couples photos to be “leaked.” An ice cream date was shot, and next thing Neil knew he had instructions in three separate interviews for  _ Courting _ to throw in information intimating that he and Andrew might be together. It was exhausting, and a little nauseating, but Neil pushed through. He had been through far worse, and dating a monster for a few months wouldn’t kill him. He hoped.

Matt found Neil quickly and pressed a flute of champagne into his hands before giving a weak greeting to Andrew, who didn’t respond. Maybe he had noticed that Neil had become tense. The gesture was appreciated, but Neil couldn’t stomach the thought of alcohol at that moment. Or any moment, for that matter. Alcohol was a doorway to the past, a slippery slope to opening old wounds. He couldn’t let go of that control on himself, not even for a second. Not that he could tell Matt that. He loved Neil, and Neil would never do anything to tarnish his image in Matt’s eyes. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing him.

Andrew drifted off on his own, probably to smoke, but Neil didn’t care. Large parties such as these, with so many guests, were one of Neil’s few professional events he had to himself anymore. No one expected them to be beside each other the whole night, not with so many people to talk to. Of course, they would have to chat up some reporter or another in the night, do something disgustingly flirty, but for the time being he could stay comfortably with Matt. 

They chatted about the film, about their plans over the next few months, about Matt and Dan’s upcoming wedding. They wanted a modest gathering, and Neil would be serving as Matt’s best man. They had known each other since childhood, all through Matt’s drug addiction and Neil’s abuse. Without Matt Neil didn’t know if he would have been able to make it through everything that had happened a few years ago. Talking about the futures the three of them will have, that Neil was involved in the plans, was more than he could ever ask for. He felt accepted, loved, protected. If not for Andrew’s assured, constant existence in his coming months, Neil might even have claimed excitement in the coming future. 

After chatting with his friends and the producers Neil was finding himself tired of the lights and the talk, and he excused himself for a moment out on the balcony. He dumped his still full champagne glass into a plant before depositing it at a nearby table and heading outside. He wasn’t surprised to see Andrew avoiding the crowds there as well, but shocked himself by walking over to his side. Andrew didn’t acknowledge his presence, for which Neil was grateful. The silence made such a delicate moment somehow bearable, and words would only shatter it. 

Andrew’s elbows rested on the railing, his back to the door and a cigarette between his fingers. The jacket he was wearing was identical to the one he had ruined, and if Neil had not seen him destroy it himself he wouldn’t have ever known it was a different one. Neil didn’t smoke, but the smell meant something to him. Maybe he was tired, or maybe the familiar scent of tobacco was getting to him, but he didn’t feel so agitated as usual about being by Andrew’s side. He leaned his back on the railing, watching Andrew’s posture for any sign of tension. He found none.

After a few minutes he turned to Andrew. The bright lights of the party made the shadow on his face so severe Neil could barely see his expression. He regarded him for a moment before speaking. “Could you spare one?” Andrew didn’t answer, so Neil turned his attention back to the party with a shrug. 

Since he wasn’t looking he didn’t see the lit cigarette sailing at him. 

It hit Neil’s left cheek. All too fast memories of heat flooded into every corner of his senses, the burning almost as if  _ it  _ was happening all over again. Neil’s breath stuttered and he hunched over as he tried to come back to himself, clenching his fists to bring memory that he wasn’t hurt like that anymore, that it wouldn’t happen again. The feeling of the scarring, that they no longer bore searing pain, grounded him.

Neil knew that it was only seconds for him to overcome his momentary slip, but by the time he composed himself, leaned down to pick up the cigarette, and stood again, Andrew was staring at him. Andrew’s face was as it always was, a mask of calculated disinterest. They kept eye contact in silence far longer than Neil would have expected, and Neil found an irritated smile making its way onto his face. “You are a real piece of work, you know that?” 

Andrew didn’t answer. He reached into his pocket and produced another cigarette and a lighter. Neil hadn’t even realized the one he gave him was his own, a quarter of the cigarette already gone. Andrew brought the cigarette to his lips and let it hover for a few moments. “I don’t think you are in any position to judge me.”

They stood there in silence for a long time, Neil watching the party and Andrew watching nothing. Andrew’s cigarette was still new, but he was actually smoking his rather than just holding it, so it was growing smaller at a much faster rate than Neil’s was. 

Neil noticed a few people inside motioning to them, and let out a short, heartless laugh as he let his head fall back. He stared upwards at the dark expanse of sky, starless because of light pollution. He waved his useless, priceless cigarette in a vague motion around his head. “Ah yes, the oh so romantic pair of Neil Josten and Andrew Minyard. The picture of intimacy as they take a private moment together.” 

Neil let his head tilt to the side so that he could see Andrew. His eyesight had adjusted to the dark, but Andrew’s face was still difficult to discern. “Little do they know that Andrew Minyard is a complete asshole.”

Andrew didn’t miss a beat as he pulled his cigarette from his lip and spoke, smoke spilling from his lips. “And that Neil Josten is a compulsive liar.” 

Neil snorted. “More than you will ever know. God, why did I agree to this again?” Neil stared at the cigarette in his hands, studied the way the light hit it as the fire slowly burned its way downwards.

“Because you are a masochist, I suppose.” Andrew’s own cigarette wasn’t yet at its end, but he still let it fall to the ground and stamped his dress shoe down on it. He didn’t even spare Neil a glance as he strode from the balcony back to the party, disappearing among the throng of people. Neil watched him go with lost eyes. 

Neil stayed outside for quite a while, holding his cigarette until it burnt to its end.  When it was finished he crouched to pick up Andrew’s old cigarette and threw both of them in the ashtray on the patio table. He spent a few moments looking across the skyline visible from the balcony, the lights of buildings the closest semblance of stars for them. Fog was beginning to settle, and suddenly Neil felt tired in more ways than one. He made his way back into the party, suddenly feeling the weight of exhaustion begin to claim him. 

Neil greeted the journalists, crew, and friends that he had not yet spoken to, discussing the film and life and attempting to generate good PR. Within the hour Andrew had found his way back to Neil’s side, a drink in his hand and no emotion on his face. Neil answered most of the questions posed to the couple, and even some of the ones specifically aimed at Andrew. It was irritating, but Neil hoped that others would interpret it as endearing that they had apparently grown that close. Andrew spoke to some people, but most he either stared at with his expressionless eyes or pretended to ignore. Neil covered for him, of course. All part of the job. 

Far too early for most yet far too late for Neil Andrew announced that the two would be going home and pulled him from the room. Neil gave Matt a small wave and ignored Nicky’s suggestive wink. He was so exhausted by the events and Andrew’s presence that he let himself be dragged the entire way to their limo. Andrew opened the door and climbed inside, and Neil suspected that had he not held onto the door frame Andrew would have slammed it shut on him. Neil slid in and closed the door gently as Andrew slid back the partition and informed the driver to head to his own home first. He slid it shut again and slumped against his seat, eyes closed.

The ride to Andrew’s home was quiet, one of the most comfortable experiences Neil had with him since they met. For once Andrew wasn’t trying to pose an active threat, and he wasn’t watching Neil, so Neil took the chance to relax as well. However, he still kept his eyes open. Neil already struggled with the feeling of security, but with Andrew it was much worse. Andrew had invaded his privacy, and for Neil trust was very difficult to win.

The second the car stopped Andrew’s eyes were open and he was halfway out the door. Neil leaned forward to say a mocking “sleep well princess,” but was met with Andrew slamming the car door in his face. Neil merely shrugged and sat back in his seat. When he reached home he collapsed, still fully clothed, on his bed, where sleep immediately took him.

That night he dreamed of fire and chains. The metal weighed him down, tearing at his skin and keeping him immobile. The heat burned at his ankles and wrists and the flames grew until they swallowed him whole. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter! They start doing promos as a couple. Misunderstandings ensue and Andrew's defenses continue to crumble.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> had to rehaul the order of the plot bc i didnt like the flow lmao

Matt and Dan had three dogs. Neil had always been a cat person, but he could not deny the affection he felt for all three of them regardless. Of course, their yippy, energetic pomeranians Spice and Snap could be a little too much for him sometimes, but he loved them all the same, even if only a little less than the older, more serene border collie Jess. Spice and Snap had been adopted only a year ago, but Neil had known Jess since he was a teen. She was as attuned to Neil’s emotions as Matt was, if not more. When Neil had entered their home that bright, cool afternoon Spice and Snap had begun to excitedly bark around his feet, but Jess had stayed back. It wasn’t until he took up a chair in the backyard with a glass of lemonade that she placed herself at his side, her head in his lap. Hours later she was still there, nosing Neil’s palm and gently pawing his legs. Neil was more grateful than he could convey with mere head pats and smiles down at her. 

Matt and Neil sat on the patio of Matt’s home for hours, chatting about every mundane thing possible. Dan had flown to Atlanta for a game, so for the afternoon it was just the two of them and the dogs. The backyard was large enough that Matt could entertain his many friends, yet small enough that it could be easily maintained. Matt had been raised from humble beginnings, and still tended to housework wherever he could out of habit. For Neil, raised on more money than he could ever ask for, the sentiment was respected but difficult to understand. 

Matt sat nursing his beer as Neil knocked back glass after glass of lemonade. The first week of promotions had been exhausting, and soon he would begin promoting out of state. _With Andrew_. Back when they had a bitter rivalry ignoring each other in favor of reporters and journalists had been easy, but now the false intimacy they had created burned Neil every moment they were together. The touches between their skin were shocks to his nerves, every word of affection he spoke clawing at his throat. Andrew had a way of staring at Neil that chilled him to the bone, a chill Neil was more than happy to thaw at his best friend’s side. 

Much of the afternoon was simple conversation, words spoken many times before about wedding plans and promotions and the film, but on Neil’s third lemonade he crossed into a more painful subject. “Neil, I need to know that you are taking care of yourself.” 

“I’m fine.” Neil did his best to only ever tell the truth to Matt, but he could not stop the lie that slipped from his mouth. He washed down his guilt by finishing off his drink. 

Matt didn’t seem to believe him, but he stayed calm. He was always so good at keeping his patience with Neil, it was heartbreaking. “You seem so tired recently, we are really worried, Neil. Is it Andrew? The film? I want to make sure you are being healthy.”

Neil hoped that “we” meant that Matt had been speaking about him with only Dan, and not within their larger circle of friends. Being worried about made Neil feel insecure and infantilized. Part of him understood that they cared about him, but the other, more prideful part of him was not yet ready to accept such a thing yet. Neil rolled his empty cup in his hands, the condensation cooling his palms against the hot Los Angeles weather. 

“I just had a checkup, Matt. I couldn’t be healthier.”

Matt sighed, his expression almost pained. After only a second Neil crumbled. “The movie is on my mind, but it is going better than I could have ever dreamed. And Andrew,” Neil’s eyes immediately fell from Matt’s face. He couldn’t let those honest, kind eyes persuade him to tell the truth. A small, fake, shy smile marred Neil’s features as he spoke. “He’s important, Matt. More than I could explain.”

It was true enough, and the false sincerity Neil played seemed to be sufficient for Matt. He covered one of Neil’s hands with his own and mirrored his smile with a true one of his own. “You can always come to me, Neil. I’ll be here for you.”

Neil smiled back, and this time, it was genuine. 

 

Neil’s agent loved to vape. Neil was used to smokers-was raised by one-but he couldn’t deny the strangeness of the juul pods scattered on his desk among the paperwork in a disarray of varying states of completion. His coffee was placed far too close to the edge of his desk, the phone hanging off the receiver. He was objectively a mess, not to mention a terrible human, but he did his job and never played bullshit with Neil. And really, is there anything else he could ask for? 

Neil sat in a chair across the desk from his agent. It was of decent quality, enough to keep clients comfortable and convinced in his competence. In Neil’s hands sat a cup of bitter coffee long gone cold, his fingers moving slowly against the textured sides. Neil was relaxed, but he was also very frustrated with his agent at the moment. “Absolutely not. No.”

Neil’s agent sighed and leaned back in his chair. Stubble dusted his chin, standing out against his pale skin. Neil, pristinely groomed and sitting with perfect posture, couldn’t deny the distaste he felt at his agent’s state of disarray. He placed his disposable coffee cup onto the desk and shifted closer in his chair. “The press is not worth it. I could die.”

“Now, don’t be dramatic. If anything, this is your fault. If you two were more affectionate in public we wouldn’t feel that a kiss would be necessary!”

Neil glared at his agent, his grip on the arms of his chair tight. In his head flashed images of Andrew’s face when Neil grabbed him too suddenly, Andrew’s words. _No lips_ , he had said. And for no lips Neil had promised. It wasn’t just a matter of his own safety for crossing that line, or for breaking a promise. The idea of pushing someone’s boundaries in such a way-the way his family and the press and the industry did until he bled his youth and bled his hope down to his actual blood-it was too much to bear. 

He wouldn’t-he _couldn’t_ -be like them. 

He finally spoke, his voice cold with his frustration. “I won’t do it. Andrew and I established boundaries and I have no intention of crossing them.”

His agent sighed once more. He pushed on the desk until he was upright, then slowly making his way around the desk. He looked nothing like Neil’s father, behaved nothing like him, and yet for just a moment he prepared for the physical punishment he had grown far too used to in his youth. However, his agent walked right past Neil and out the door. “I get it, I get it. Give me a sec.”

The door closed behind him, and Neil was left alone with the distant sound of music and his own breathing. He slowly peeled his fingers off the arms. He had stood up for himself to an older male figure and had won. It was a small victory, but it was something. Neil could not deny the pride he felt at that. 

A moment later Neil heard a loud shout and a crash. Maybe someday his curiosity would hurt him the same way it did the fabled cat, but he didn’t pause to think about such a thing. The crash sounded as though it had come from the room next door. Upon opening the door Neil saw that the shouting had been Andrew’s agent, the crash from Andrew’s own desperation to get away from him. 

Andrew was growling out an “absolutely not” before he saw Neil and his eyes narrowed. 

Andrew didn’t appear angry, but Neil still knew enough that he did not want to be involved. Neil attempted to immediately close the door, but was too slow. A hand, rough and blocky and distinctly Andrew’s, slipped through the doorway. Fingers tightened on the door, stopping its movement. Neil had the strength to push harder than he was, but both he and Andrew knew which of the two was stronger, and he gave.The door opened with the force of Andrew’s weight. Andrew’s agent was in his wake, but Andrew slammed the door in his face. Neil liked him about as much as he did his own agent, so he failed to pity him. 

Neil stood completely still. He didn’t want to set Andrew off, but he didn’t have to do anything to attract the unwanted attention. Andrew turned on Neil and shoved him against the closed door. Andrew’s face was as blank as ever, yet beneath his mask in the gold of his eyes a flame of anger burned. Neil opened his mouth to speak, but Andrew covered it with one of his hands. Neil glared, but Andrew ignored it. 

“Don’t. Don’t you dare speak right now. What makes you think you have the right to invade my space? I know truth means nothing to you, but are even promises meaningless? You disgust me.” Andrew’s tone was level, yet he was speaking as if every syllable was an intense threat. Neil knew how to behave in dangerous situations, had the experience to understand the easiest path to safety, yet Andrew set him aflame with annoyance. Before his well-trained self control could stop him he licked Andrew’s hand.

Andrew drew his hand back, a nostril flaring in apparent disgust. He refused to break eye contact with Neil as he wiped his hand on his shirt. Andrew was still close to him, tense and motionless. Neil stayed silent, which seemed to frustrate Andrew further. “Will you just stand there and say nothing at all?” 

Neil was dumbfounded. “Andrew, you told me not to speak.”

“Because I knew you would only say useless drivel that would waste my time.” Andrew stared at Neil as calm as he could manage, but the anger set him tense and threatening. Neil kept his body pressed against the door away from Andrew, his hands pushing into the wood as if it would stretch the room and increase the space between them. “When have I made you a promise I didn’t keep?” 

It seemed to be the wrong answer, but before Andrew could react someone hit the door loudly. It jolted Neil so thoroughly that he let go and flinched in onto himself as far as he could without touching Andrew. The voice was identifiable as Andrew’s agent, yet Neil still could not shake the unrest in his pulse. “Neil, have you spoken yet about the kiss? We think it’s really important for publicity, so could you talk to Andrew please?” 

Andrew ground out a threat to his agent. While they argued Neil inched along the wall away from Andrew, who noticed yet did not acknowledge it. When Neil spoke his voice shook in a way that made him embarrassed and a tad angry at himself. “You know what would help? If you would leave. I already said no and would appreciate the privacy to talk down your murderous client.”

Andrew’s agent responded with an insulted sound, but did not argue. At the sound of footsteps Neil’s gaze reluctantly found its way back to Andrew, whose eyes were now mostly blank. He stared at Neil with no emotion, and Neil stared back. Neil’s eyes flickered down to Andrew’s lips for a brief moment, heard every word of his promise, and he didn’t miss the way Andrew’s fingers twitched. Andrew was completely still, his posture now relaxed, but his stare was fixed so intently on Neil it almost felt sharp. “You have an awful personality.”

“You are not in any position to judge me,” Neil snapped. He slowly moved away from the wall, taking relief when Andrew did not stop him and sitting on the back of a chair. “Andrew, we need to talk about this.”

Andrew’s tension was gone, yet he still didn’t move. “I don’t _need_ anything from you. Never will.”

Neil sighed. “I know that, but we cannot keep doing this. You need to listen to me before you attempt murder. We can accept that we don’t trust each other without you making an attempt on my life _every day_.”

Andrew ignored the accusation of his violent tendencies as he leaned against the door. His posture was casual, but Neil could hear the threat in his voice. “It is hard to listen to someone who refuses to speak anything worth hearing.” 

Neil threw his hands up in the air, so completely thrown by Andrew’s obstinance that he did not notice the way Andrew tensed at the sudden movement. He jabbed an accusatory finger at Andrew, who raised his eyebrows in challenge but said nothing. “That! We need to stop that.  We have months of this left and I can’t do that anymore. It’s exhausting”

Andrew shrugged. “Dealing with someone who is every inch a lie is also exhausting.” 

Neil sighed, bringing his face down to rest in one of his hands. “Fine! Fine I’ll make you a deal. Every day I’ll give you a truth. One. In exchange, you talk things through with me. No more violence.”

“Why would I want your truths?” Despite his detached response, Neil had a feeling he had caught Andrew’s attention. He stopped himself from smiling.

“Now that’s something I can’t answer, is it?”

Andrew considered for a moment, yet rather than confirming or denying the deal went straight for Neil’s end of the bargain. “Why be so angry about someone searching your secrets if you have nothing to hide?”

Neil looked away from Andrew. It wasn’t a surprising question, just an annoying one to dance around. “I have plenty to hide. Trust comes difficult to people like me.”

“People like you are the reason trust comes difficult for everyone else.”

Neil shrugged. “Fair, I guess. Had to learn it from someone, didn’t I?”

Andrew didn’t answer. He stood watching Neil for a few moments before he left the room. Neil sat in his seat to wait for his agent. They still had matters to discuss. 

 

Neil did not see Andrew the rest of that day, nor the day after, but it was important for them to be seen in public outside of their promotional schedules. And thus Neil found himself dropped off and a posh restaurant with Andrew by his side. It was undoubtedly expensive, but they had the luxury to afford such overt expressions of wealth. Neil was used to such a thing, but many times he wished he wasn’t. 

Neil held the door for Andrew, smiling his photo-smile down at him as he entered the restaurant without a second glance. Neil wondered if he was ignoring him due to the fact that Neil had worn insoles in his shoes, which already bore a small platform. Nevertheless, he appreciated the extra three inches that put him at six taller than Andrew. A little bit of temper was worth the reward to his pride. 

The hostess recognized them and promised a table in only a matter of moments. While they waited Neil leaned down a little, speaking low. “Hands are okay today, yeah?”

Andrew did not answer, merely entwined his fingers with Neil’s. He looked at Neil out of the corner of his eye, speaking as low as Neil had. “And the temple, if you must.” 

Neil nodded, taking it as a reference to the terrible kiss talk from only a few days before. He would prefer to avoid it, if he could. The hostess returned to lead them to their table. Andrew nodded and pulled Neil by the hand, and Neil could not help but be pleased at how civil the date seemed to be going. With any hope it could continue. When they sat Neil thanked the host with a smile, and when she left Andrew spoke. “What a ghastly thing.” 

Neil must have been visibly confused, as Andrew continued without prompt. “That smile. It’s filled with fakeness and mars you. The prideful one is better.”

Neil let his head fall into one hand, the other drumming a senseless beat on the table. He could not contain the face he made, more open than he would like but filled with his good mood at what he felt to be gaining the upper hand. “Are you saying you find me handsome when I smile?”

“Hardly.” Andrew picked up the menu in one hand and ceased Neil’s tapping with the other. He held Neil’s hand lightly as he perused the options, his gaze flicked to Neil and his more arrogant smile for but a moment. “But this is more attractive, yes.” 

Neil was left without rebuttal, and found himself a little embarrassed. He made a show of rolling his eyes as he looked to the menu himself, grateful for a distraction from Andrew. 

After they ordered Andrew turned Neil’s hand over in his own, inspecting his fingers and palms. He was silent, focused, watching Neil’s hand as if it could pose a threat at any moment. Neil was uneasy being so closely monitored in one of the few places he still held scars, so he let his hand hang limp against Andrew’s. 

Andrew ran his thumb along a large scar on Neil’s index finger to where it stretched onto his palm. It was raised still all these years later, contrasting where it was slightly lighter than Neil’s true skin tone. The touch made Neil uncomfortable, but Andrew conducted his examination with practiced disinterest. When he pushed down lightly on the scar he spoke. “Does it still feel?”

Neil did his best to hold Andrew’s intense gaze, to not slip in the little power he felt he still had between them. “Did you ever?”

Andrew let go of Neil’s hand and stood. He grabbed Neil’s face, digging his fingers hard into his skin. His eyes held Neil’s for a few moments, a tense silence that chilled Neil. His voice was low when he spoke. “We all do. Some have to try harder. But remember your promise.”

Andrew looked away from Neil to scan the room, and quickly leaned in. Neil didn’t move, sirens blaring in his head, as Andrew pressed a quick kiss to Neil’s nose. Neil couldn’t think to look around at the nearby table guests, didn’t wonder if they had been listening, because his nose had suddenly gone cold. It was all Neil could do to not rub the feeling away, and he wished that they had not been in public so he could. Not that Andrew touching him would have been a problem away from prying eyes. 

Andrew took his seat again, upending his glass of wine into his mouth. Neil sat, stunned, for a few seconds before he spoke. “They do. Differently, than they had before, but they still feel.” 

Andrew nodded, but before he could speak their waiter appeared with their meals. It wasn’t a few minutes after he left that Andrew spoke. “All damaged things still find a way to.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so now NEXT chapter is when they will do promotion interviews together. andrew rewards neil's honesty with little bits of his own


End file.
